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You know that one of the reasons that you shouldn’t do tarot readings for yourself is that there’s a lot of temptation to keep pulling cards until you get the answer you want?
That doesn’t really work when you go to different readers, on different days, using different systems of divination. As it turns out, you’ll get the same answer. Sure, it might be a little more or a little less in-depth from reader to reader, and some of the details might vary as time goes on, but the answer itself? If it’s it, it’s it.
The reader responded with a very in-depth analysis and advice, though I didn’t receive the specifics on what cards were drawn. The short story is, I know what I want, but I want to know how to get it now. The world is on hold (and rightly so), so things are slowed down. I need to do more self-promotion, which I’ve heard before.
Right now, though, these things raise still another question — one I don’t really know how to ask, let alone answer.
I know what to do, I know why, but where do I get the energy? What do I do if I feel like it’s no longer worth it?
I’m somewhere between “nihilistic” and “throw everything into the back of the car and live in a cave.” (This isn’t really hyperbole — one ex used to buy me survival gear for pretty much every holiday, because they felt it was pretty likely that I’d disappear into the woods at some point, and they wanted to make sure I made it back okay.) Someone I know posted a meme about Boomers complaining about rioters destroying property, while Millennials and Zoomers don’t care because we don’t own property.
Rough chuckles, but where’s the lie?
I want to make the world be a better place — whether I have an actual role in doing so, or am just able to support the people doing the visible work. I want to make the life I desire, but it almost feels like there isn’t much point in trying right now. Some say a better world is being born, but it seems like we can only hope the worst of us don’t kill it out of spite.
Every reading I’ve gotten tells me it’ll be a few years, but I’ll get to where I want to be. A rising tide doesn’t necessarily lift all boats, though. Will it be worth it if everything else hasn’t changed?