I mean it.
Jolene, Part Two.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
Jolene,
You gotta help me with this lying man.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
Jolene,
Things went so wrong and now we need a plan.
I only meant to frighten him,
I never meant to do him in,
Now I don’t know what we should do,
Jolene.
You know he had us seeing red,
The rest’s a blur, but now he’s dead,
It was a crime of passion, this I swear to you,
Jolene.
He got upset when we accused
Him of two timing me and you,
And I think the neighbors heard it all,
Jolene.
Philanderers should get their due,
But now it’s up to me and you,
And we’re gonna need a lot more bleach,
Jolene.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
Jolene,
We gotta find a place to put this man.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
Jolene,
You grab those sheets, I’ll go get the gas can.
As long as we don’t drive to slow,
We’ll make it down to Mexico,
We’ll be in Tijuana by the break of day,
Jolene.
We’ll dye our hair, we’ll change our names,
Nothing will ever be the same,
But maybe it’s all for the best, Jolene.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
Jolene,
You gotta help me with this lying man.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
Jolene,
We’ll make a brand new start in a new land.
Jolene, Jolene.
I guess I technically wrote this unasked-for sequel to Dolly Parton’s song, but the fact is that I woke up with it in my head more or less fully formed. I do love a good murder ballad. This feels a bit like what would happen if “Jolene” met The Pierces “I Shot my Lover in the Head” and slightly ramps up some of the lesbian overtones many people have read in the original song.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, my partner was less than stoked that this fell out of my head. He was pretty good-natured about it, though.
Marble Crow 