The Lion, The Fool, and The Devil.

December 16, 2019December 15, 2019 J.2 Comments

First, I want to apologize for the brief hiatus I took a week or two ago. We received word that we could move into our new apartment on the day before Thanksgiving, and so we had to pack, clean, find movers, figure out why the toilet didn’t work, figure out why we kept smelling gas, yadda, yadda, yadda, nobody exploded and everyone is fine now.

Anyway!

During this time, I also didn’t do any tarot readings for myself. Didn’t really want to, to be honest — we’ve been unpacking, cleaning more things, calling the gas company, calling Poison Control because I accidentally had grapefruit this one time, it’s been a whole big thing. I’ve been too busy to really formulate questions to ask, and, of the questions I’ve had, I don’t really think I wanted answers to them.

(If I had to come up with one, I’d say the first rule of reading tarot is this: Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.)

So, this week, I decided to draw three cards. I didn’t have a particular plan for the three — I didn’t intend for them to be explicitly Past, Present, Future, or Problem, Obstacle, Outcome, or anything like that. Just a three-card snapshot.

First, I drew Strength.

Strength is, much as its name implies, associated with strength. Inner strength, outer strength. Courage, bravery, confidence, and mastery over one’s emotions. All things considered, this tracks. I’m doing well with therapy, as far one can gauge that kind of thing. I’m being more active, albeit slowly, here and there. Strength. Booya.

Next, I drew The Fool.

The Fool is freedom and innocence, but also a fair amount of naive dumbassery. He’s youthfully spontaneous, but also… Well, foolish. He symbolizes new beginnings, often those that require a leap of faith, of sorts. While most readers interpret The Fool as a positive card, as cards that symbolize beginnings often are, I’ve always viewed him with a little suspicion — Aces are beginnings too, but they don’t have the same careless energy as The Fool. I’ve been taught that The Fool’s backpack contains all of The Magician’s tools, and he could use them to do and be whatever his heart desired, if he only knew they were there. To me, The Fool symbolizes a new beginning with a hidden element, something that needs to be sussed out before taking that leap of faith.

Last, I drew The Devil.

I was initially taught that The Devil signified a manipulative person, but I don’t generally get a big “person” energy when I read tarot. Few of the cards I pull really seem to stand for an actual individual, though it does occasionally happen. In most cases, I see The Devil as something that someone’s given away their power to — it could be an addiction, or even something less severe. People give away their power to things that offer the illusion of safety, even if that “safety” is purely because the manipulative person/situation would make it dangerous to leave.

There are a number of things in my life that could be The Devil. There are things I’ve given power to, or adopted in the name of safety. I don’t use anything stronger than herbal tea and prescribed Zoloft anymore, so it isn’t a substance I can think of. I’ve been careful to root out the people who were unhealthy for me, so it isn’t a person I can name. Manipulation isn’t always obvious, though. Neither are the ways in which we lose our power.

Look at habits. To call me a “homebody” is… euphemistic. I’ve spent a long time managing a chronic illness, so going into environments I can’t control is daunting. Will it be too hot? Will I be dehydrated? Will there be fresh air, or strong smells? Will there be a crowd, or bright lights? A chronic illness isn’t a thing that you really get to choose to give your power away to, but am I managing it in a way that’s really healthy, or just easier?

Or the internet. I’m trying to furnish a living room, a place for my S.O. and I to relax, something that reflects us and the things we enjoy. Do I really want that sofa, or do I just think I want it because it looks just like one from this Pinterest post that some influencer made, even though they actually hate it and would never have considered it if they weren’t being paid ten grand to pretend they don’t? How much of my power have I given away to shitty advertising?

Not every kind of manipulation is overt. Not every addiction is to drugs or alcohol.

Of course, maybe The Devil isn’t here in a negative aspect. Sometimes, he has a positive role to play — like a devil-may-care attitude. He can be entertainment, laughter, sex, and rock’n’roll.

I drew an extra card, just in case. Three major arcana cards is a pretty big deal, the majors carry some strong energy. I got the Two of Wands.

The Two of Wands shows up when two paths diverge in a wood. It can signify a lack of contentment, but cautions that the grass may not be greener on the other side. In the deck I typically use for myself, the Crow Tarot, it’s an urging to leave your comfort zone.

That… That makes sense.

A big part of why we moved is because having stairs to climb made things more difficult (believe me, my dudes, you don’t want to fuck with a tile staircase when you’re having vertigo and your vision’s gone all sparkly). Now that I’m here, I’m enjoying the comfort of more space, and a new, cozy living room… Which would make it very easy for me to do the safe thing, to succumb to the self-deception that tells me that I should make a comfy nest here to nurse myself, instead of using the tools I have gathered to actually help myself. Zoloft and therapy have helped me gain mastery over many (though certainly not all, of course) of my negative emotions, so there’s Strength. This is a new beginning I should embrace with enthusiasm, but not carelessness, so there’s The Fool. I want to stay here, where it’s warm, comfortable, and spacious, and enjoy myself rather than putting these tools to the test and embracing a much less comfortable freedom, and there’s The Devil. I’m not content right now, because illness has hampered my life. I have to use the gains I’ve made to leave my comfort zone, and there’s the Two of Wands.

Heck.

The Page of Wands (flaps again)

November 25, 2019November 24, 2019 J.Leave a comment

During my last therapy session, my psychologist and I talked about the Wheel of Life exercise. It’s a relatively quick — yet surprisingly in-depth — bit of self-evaluation designed to help you see where you are in life, figure out where you want to improve, and design a plan to get there. Initially, I thought it felt a bit more “life coach-y” than therapeutic, but, having finished it, I can definitely see the value in doing so. I consider myself fairly introspective, but it’s still a valuable framework for translating self-awareness into action.

(I’m not gonna subject you to a point-by-point analysis of my answers and my action plan here, but, suffice it to say, it’s a worthwhile endeavor if you feel like your life could use a little growth.)

Anyway, all of this is to explain that I drew this week’s tarot card with the desire to get some further insight into my findings from the Wheel of Life exercise. I know where I’m satisfied, I know where I’m behind where I’d like to be, I have an idea of how I can get from point A to point B, what else?

Luckily for me, I drew the Page of Wands.

This card is all good news, inspiration, creativity, motivation, and youthful energy. It’s an exciting card, full of motion, ideas, and playfulness. In an advice context, the Page of Wands tells us to seek out the opportunity to learn, to seize the chance to discover things we didn’t know before.

The Page of Wands has come up before, you might remember him from my Libra new moon reading. There, he was something I needed to be open to. During that cycle, I had plenty of good news and opportunities to learn about myself, so I’m eager to see what this holds. Even though the Libra moon has come and gone, it may also be that his hour has finally arrived — new moons are when we sow the seeds we hope to harvest later, so this “openness” may be coming to fruition now. Great!

divination · life

The Seven of Wands and Wild Hares

November 18, 2019November 17, 2019 J.Leave a comment

When I draw cards for myself or others, I always read the “wild hares.” These are the cards that seem to slip out of the deck of their own volition — not through careless shuffling, but seemingly without provocation. You can be shuffling just fine, and still end up with a loose card or two… and sometimes they’re significant.

Some readers use the wild hare as the first card in whatever spread they’re using. Personally, I don’t. Rather than placing it in the spread itself, I set it to the side and use it for added context. These cards generally don’t change the entire tenor of a reading, but they’re often very insightful.

This time. I drew the Seven of Wands. This card generally signifies a struggle against some form of opposition, whether it be a competitor or a challenging circumstance. In the Crow Tarot, the Seven of Wands specifically indicates that though you might be on top of things at the moment, there are always forces ready to topple you.

Lately, I’ve been feeling it. Things are coming together for me, but I can feel physical and mental fatigue tempting me to rest on what I’ve already done. I should work on increasing my dose of sertraline, I need to keep on top of the exercises my psychologist has prescribed to me, but, since I’m feeling better (not well, but certainly much better), the temptation is always there to let myself become lazy. My shop exists now, but I should work on adding new things to it and helping more people find it. I need to keep working on shoring up my finances. There are plenty of places where I’m doing well, but I need to keep doing if I’m going to maintain that.

And, as I shuffled, the Nine of Cups slipped free. I have a bit of a history with Cups and Wands — tons of them have been appearing in readings for me, not that that’s really a surprise. The Nine of Cups is fulfillment, optimism, joy, and positivity. It’s a fantastic card to pull (whether you’re actually drawing one, or just have it sneak out at you).

In this context, it seems that things are continuing to look up for me. I am in a place of happiness and good things, but I’ll need to work to keep them. I’m not surprised. The kind of minor successes and small, comfortable miracles I’ve had lately are things that come with effort, and disappear with a lack of it.

divination · life

The Six of Cups (is Confusing and Full of Babies)

November 11, 2019November 10, 2019 J.Leave a comment

The Six of Cups is often read as relating to children — either revisiting memories of your youth, your “inner child,” or literal children around you. I confess, I’m not a big child person. I like other people’s children just fine, but that’s largely because I can give them to someone else when they get whiny. I’m more vodka aunt than wine mom, what can I say?

Cups06 — The Six of Cups from the Rider-Waite tarot deck, artwork by Pamela Coleman Smith.

That’s why it surprised me to draw the Six of Cups this week. I didn’t ask anything specific really, just did my usual one-card weekly reading. It’s got me thinking, though.

One of the big associations with the Six of Cups is simplicity. We often speak of a “childlike simplicity,” and a number of things attend that: joy, innocence, creativity, a sense of playfulness. In this case, I’d be surprised if the Six of Cups referred to literal children. My S.O. and I have none, nor does anyone immediately around us, and that doesn’t seem to be changing anytime soon.

At least, I hope not. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t immediately open my calendar app and began doing some quick ovulation math. Fortunately, I think we’re in the clear.

One interpretation of the Six of Cups is a time of happy nostalgia and good childhood memories. It might indicate a trip to your hometown, reconnecting with people from your youth, and so forth. There’s a little irony here in the fact that I spent my last therapy session talking about how hard I worked and planned in order to escape my childhood home as soon as I was able, even to the point of avoiding close friendships and teenage romances in high school — what was the point, if they’d only make it hurt when I left? So I don’t think that’s it. Without any cards surrounding it, I also hesitate to assume it’s talking about child abuse.

There could be a connection to the Ten of Wands from last week, though. While the Ten of Wands speaks of taking on a burden and carrying it to the end (in fact, being very close to the end), the Six of Cups can also point to the need to release some adult responsibilities and enjoy being childlike again… At least, for a little while.

I have taken on a lot of new responsibilities recently, so that could be it. I don’t think I’m stressed enough to drop everything and let my (metaphorical) hair down, but it’s good to know the most useful way to unwind if I do.

divination · life

The Ten of Pentacles (goes cha-ching)

November 4, 2019November 3, 2019 J.Leave a comment

I’m not going to beat around the bush this week — I didn’t have any particular circumstance that led to me asking my deck for guidance, I just wanted to pull a card to tell me about the upcoming week. My S.O.’s back from a work trip, I’m feeling pretty good, I even did a small working to plant some seeds for the Taurus full moon we’ve got coming up. A little honey, a little sweet orange… It’s a good time for it.

Perhaps needless to say, I was pretty stoked when I drew the Ten of Pentacles.

Tens are the culmination of the Ace-Ten cycle in the pips cards. Pentacles are the suit of earth, money, foundations, and stability. Even without going into some of the more specific meanings of the Ten of Pentacles, it’s a very positive card in the realm of prosperity.

The Ten of Pentacles points to a home life that is happy, stable, and secure, both in an emotional and a material sense (though perhaps more material than emotional, as emotions are the domain of the Cups cards). It can indicate setting up something that will contribute to your financial security, like a business, a pension, or an investment. The energy’s right for creating long-term stability for yourself.

This comes at a really opportune time for me, especially today. The stars aligned for me to finalize some printing proofs and take some product photos, and my shop is up and running again! I’m nervous. I’m excited. I’m happy to see that things are on my side. (More on that later, though.)

My S.O. just finished a week of work training, so this bodes well for him, too. While not strictly monetary, this investment of his time (and his company’s investment in him) still goes a long way toward establishing stability for us.

Things honestly couldn’t be better!

divination

The Magician

October 28, 2019October 28, 2019 J.Leave a comment

The Magician is resourcefulness. He means creativity, power, and the ability to achieve your goals. He shows up to tell you that you have the things you need to do the things you want.

In my case, I think he means serotonin.

It’s kind of funny, really. I’ve tried cognitive behavioral therapy, which had some success for some aspects of my anxiety. (What’s the worst that can happen if I embarrass myself in front of people? They get a cringy-funny story to tell, and, since I don’t mind laughing at my own dumbassery, so do I.) However, it did not work super well for others. (There’s a 99% chance I don’t have a heart condition, but, if I am wrong, I die and cats eat my face.) I already meditate, breathe diaphragmatically out of habit thanks to several years of singing class, and practice roughly seventeen different kinds of relaxation and mindfulness techniques.

I use aromatherapy — there’s a duke’s ransom in lavender, sweet orange, and ylang ylang oil in my bedside table. I use herbs, even though lemon balm mostly just makes me sleepy. I carry crystals, which helps considerably with the meditation and mindfulness. Even so, I still felt panicky.

It wasn’t until trying an SSRI that any of it really started to stick. Even though I’m on the tiniest dose imaginable, the difference is already noticeable.

There are a lot of witches who aren’t willing to do healing spells or health-related divination, and I can’t blame them. Magic works best when it’s focused on something — it’s why I don’t really hold with a lot of the pop-witchcraft ideas of doing things like enchanting your tea for prosperity. Nonspecific witchcraft brings nonspecific results. If you cast a healing spell, what should it do? If you ease soreness, you’re really erasing one of the body’s signals that tells you something is wrong. Ease inflammation, and you’re really altering a powerful mechanism for healing. Without knowing the root cause of something, without knowing what it is you’re really trying to change, it’s difficult, at best, to address.

The trouble with mental illness is that there often isn’t a simple way to diagnose it and figure out the root cause. I have intracranial hypertension, and I know this because a very nice team of doctors stared into my eyes, stuck needles in my spine, and ran more tests than I previously knew existed. I have anxiety, but there’s no blood test for that. They can’t stick me in an MRI and tell me why my brain malfunctions the way it does. The best tools I have right now are persistence and experimentation. They can’t tell me if it’s genetic, from some form of trauma, or has some as-yet unknown etiology. Fortunately, that experimentation is starting to pay off.

It isn’t that I was performing CBT wrong, or meditating improperly. It goes deeper than that, in ways diet and lifestyle could only help so much. I’m happy I’m closer to understanding my panic attacks and anxiety, and I can’t even tell you how happy I am that I feel like I can finally do something about it now.

I’m not one hundred percent where I want to be yet, but I know the way to get there.

divination · life

So then I got someone else to do it.

October 21, 2019October 20, 2019 J.Leave a comment

Note: This post contains affiliate links. These allow me to earn a small commission on purchases made using them, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting tarot readers, small business owners, and this site!

Some tarot experts don’t recommend reading for yourself — it’s too easy to get caught up in the things you want or expect to happen. Like trying to touch your left elbow with your left hand, sometimes you’re too close to a situation to be able to accurately read it.

I don’t always hold with this idea. There are some very emotionally-charged or high-stakes situations that I prefer not to read for myself, but, in general, I find it’s good regular practice. Still, sometimes I like to get a reading from someone else, just to get another pair of eyes on the path I’m on.

This time, I requested a one-card reading from RiseWitchApothecary. I wanted to know what my next step should be — if I want to continue down the path to the life I want, what should I do?

I received the Page of Pentacles.

This card is a reminder to keep the past behind me and focus on the new ventures I’m about to undertake, particularly monetary ones. (Makes sense!) Though it usually has more to do with money, jobs, and careers, it can also point to relationships. (Which also makes sense!)

I draw a lot of cards pertaining to new beginnings and new undertakings when I read for myself, so I was simultaneously surprised and unsurprised to see something similar come up here. My S.O. and I just started our business, so focusing on that is the sensible next step. I’m pleased that it seems that easy — I know what I need to do, and it looks like the universe is lined up with that. The next step for me to take is the most logical one.

Admittedly, it also raised a number of interesting questions: How do I keep my momentum? What hidden factors are there? What’s the next step?

First things first, though. I’ve got stuff to do.

divination · life

Cup Party

October 14, 2019October 14, 2019 J.Leave a comment

Party!

Kind of!

I am currently on enough antibiotics to make a Belgian Blue hallucinate, so I will make today both short and sweet: I drew the Three of Cups again.

Last time I did, it was at a time when my S.O. and I had a number of things in the works. We’d initiated the process of moving into a new place, I’d finished some paintings, and we were working on getting a site up and running. This time, I’m pleased to say that these things are reaching their fulfillment — appropriate for the full moon, no?

The apartment is about done being renovated. I received proofs of the images of my paintings that I sent to the printer, and they look awesome. We have a business license, our site is up, and we’re happily posting bits and pieces of the story of The Teller of Fortunes. It’s time to celebrate!

(It’s the culmination of something else, too: filtering and bottling my raven oil. It takes me a year to make, and I set it up and filter it on October’s full moon. One of these days, I might get around to compiling my recipes and processes into something I can share. This one, in particular, is good stuff.)

Of course, while the full moon marks the culmination of a cycle, the waning moon comes right behind her. Next is the time to work on the tiny, unseen things, followed by the new moon, before the energy ramps up again. I don’t really have much that I need to work on this cycle (well, not externally, anyhow); there are plenty of balls rolling already, it’s time to see where they go.

divination · life

The Star Rises

October 7, 2019October 7, 2019 J.Leave a comment

The weather’s finally cooling (after an inexplicable 94°F) , the trees are starting to change. and I’ve watered my cacti for probably the last time until next spring. We haven’t had any more carbon monoxide scares so far, and, as soon as our next apartment is done being renovated, we’re pretty much ready to upgrade our space.

So, as per usual, I figured I’d do a one-card drawing to see where this week’s going. In the midst of all of this (much anticipated!) upheaval, it helps to have a little extra insight. I didn’t ask a specific question — just cleared my mind, let my thoughts arise as they would, and shuffled until I felt like that wasn’t something I needed to do anymore.

And… I drew The Star.

Not gonna lie, seeing it made me a little emotional. The Star is a tremendously positive card. It stands for hope and optimism, and, since it comes immediately after The Tower, it points to positive feelings that arise from the ashes of whatever was destroyed during The Tower’s phase. I haven’t exactly gone through the kind of things indicated by The Tower (well, not recently), but it still indicates a lot of hope for the future.

This is especially good to know because I started Sertraline. I’m afraid of taking pills, so I held off as long as I could, but my doctor(s) and I came to the agreement that it would most likely do more good than harm at this point. I’m only on a tiny dose to make sure I tolerate it alright, and it’s too soon to feel any difference yet, but I have hope that I might not have to go from medication to medication to find something that helps re-balance my neurochemistry. I was especially impressed that my psychiatrist was willing and knowledgeable enough to take my cerebrospinal fluid pressure into account when she prescribed it to me — I can’t tell you how many doctors I’ve had who either didn’t know enough about IH to realize that that was necessary, or shrugged off my concerns when I brought it up.

The idea of taking it still gives me some anxiety, and my S.O. literally hid the first half-pill in a spoonful of applesauce for me so the action of taking it wouldn’t make things worse. (I know, I know.) As time goes on, I feel more optimistic, though. It’s good to know that those feelings aren’t misplaced.

It’s going to take some time for things to really smooth out, but so far, so good. Wish me luck.

divination

Three-card Tarot Tuesday — 10.01.2019

October 1, 2019September 30, 2019 J.Leave a comment

Hello! This time around, we’ll be using one card from the Deviant Moon tarot, and one from The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit deck.

Relax, clear your mind, and choose the stack that calls to you. When you’re ready, scroll down to see what your cards have for you.

Ready? Here we go!

Blue Lace Agate

The Devil is a manipulator. He can represent a manipulative person, or an addiction, mental illness, or other situation that negatively affects behavior. He may serve as an indicator that a relationship or situation you’re in is not all that it seems, as a reminder that you have more agency than you may think, or as a warning that you need to take control of the direction your life is going.

Buffalo is a quintessential earth creature. He is grounded, but looks ahead and above. If there’s a bump in the road, he doesn’t get tripped up by it — his eyes are always on the path ahead. If you’re out of balance here, you might feel agitated or restless, or even experience ennui. You can come back into balance by maintaining your optimism and cultivating a spiritual practice. If you aren’t religious, try secular meditative or mindfulness exercises.

All told, it looks like you’re in a situation with someone or something that doesn’t have your best interest in mind. I’ve been there, and I know that things like that can bog you down and make it hard to see past whatever is controlling your life. Remember that you have power here. Keep calm, maintain an optimistic outlook, and work on a spiritual discipline. These things will help you stay strong while you work on finding a way out.

Yellow Calcite

The Two of Cups is a positive card that points to harmony and emotional balance. Nice! It often points to a union in a romantic sense, but can also indicate an emotionally fulfilling partnership without any romance involved. Nice!

The Black Egg holds the truth. When you’re connected to its energy, you are free from cognitive dissonance and able to speak and act in accordance with your inner beliefs. You live authentically, with confidence and surety. When you’re not, you can find your confidence shaken, and may have difficulty expressing yourself, or find yourself saying the things you need to say in order to “fit in,” rather than what you truly feel. Now is a good time for introspection. What do you really think and feel? How does that match up with your outward behavior?

Together, it looks like this is a time in your life when you either are, or will be, experiencing inner and outer harmony. You likely have a romantic or platonic partnership that’s bringing you lots of fulfillment — if you don’t, expect to meet a new friend or partner soon. In your dealings with them, make sure you act from a place of truth. Are you in tune with the energy of the Black Egg, or out? Don’t worry about behaving inauthentically here, there’s no need. Whatever kind of relationship the Two of Cups represents is not going to dissolve just because you dared to speak your truth. You’ll be okay.

Moonstone

The Hierophant! I have some mixed feelings about him, myself. While he represents an adherence to tradition that I usually find stifling, he also appeared right before I started on the path to practicing neodruidry. To you, he might represent a mentor of sorts, or someone who is very entrenched in their beliefs. He may also point to a situation where you are better off doing “the done thing” — follow protocol, and don’t rock the boat.

Zebra’s a ton of fun. Those with “Zebra energy” tend to be very creative, expressive, well-traveled people. As zebras are herd animals, Zebra people are also often found contributing to social or environmental efforts. When Zebra energy is out of balance, it may make you feel jaded — as if the wide world has nothing to interest you. Bring it back in balance by taking a trip, or exploring your creative side.

If your Zebra energy is out of balance, you might be reaching for something to help break that cynical, jaded feeling. Don’t go crazy here; indulge your creative, exploratory side. Take up a traditional artform, or take a trip to somewhere that holds significance to you. You might find yourself brought back into balance by finding an artistic mentor, or traveling to the homeland of your ancestors.

Hopefully, these cards have helped shed a little light. Have a good week!