My Handsome Assistant, some friends, and I try to go to at least one Renaissance Faire every year — usually the MD or PA Ren Faire. If you’re not familiar with them (they seem to mostly be an American thing), Ren Faires are basically big mostly-outdoor markets, made to look like a Tudor era village. There’s food, entertainment, and people often like to wear loosely Renaissance or fantasy-inspired costumes to go. They’re a lot of fun, and I’ve found some very cool stuff (and people!) at them. This year, we went to the PA Renaissance Faire in Manheim, PA, at Mount Hope Estate.
I don’t really do a lot of shopping during the rest of the year — I might go to a thrift shop if I have a specific item of clothing or houseware that I’m looking for, but otherwise I’m all about make, make do, and mend — so I save up to get to go a little wild at Ren Faires and Pagan Pride Day. We usually have a list of things we’re looking for specifically. For my Handsome Assistant, this is usually belts, bags, or additions to his costume. For me, this year I was looking for handmade instruments and fountain pens.
(We also tend to buy a lot of tea anytime we take a vacation or day trip. I joke that it’s how I time things. When we run out of tea, it’s time to get out of the house.)
Stuff
First, shopping at the PA Ren Faire. Like I mentioned above, we bought some tea because we always do. I did also get a very nice cherry wood fountain pen from Denyan Designs (which is currently loaded with Diamine Writer’s Blood).
My Handsome Assistant got a lovely cloak from Up Your Kilt/As You Like It (“Because if it’s not as you like it, it has no business being up your kilt!”). It’s a very nice, versatile olive color, thick and warm, and long enough to fold and wear in a lot of different ways. He also got some new bracers to replace his old, plasticky costume set.
The World’s Best Hat
“It probably fits you fine! Stop flirting with it and just get the hat.”
I like hats. I started liking hats when I first shaved my head and realized that my choices were a) start wearing a lot more hats and bandanas, or b) rub sunscreen into my head every day. Even now that it’s only half-shaved, I’m still very careful to keep the sun off of my head.
(Melanoma is not invited to my pizza party.)
I went to the PA Ren Faire wearing a sun hat already, like I usually do — it goes with my costume, and helps keep my decidedly not period-correct hair from detracting too much from the “look.”
Then I saw the hat. A black bowler. Satin braid around the rim, with a fringe of tiny teal crystals all around. A wide teal ribbon as a band, festooned with peacock feathers. Teal tulle and a purple ribbon trailing from the back. All of my favorite colors. It was gorgeous, and also looked to be entirely too small.
Still, I kept going back to it. I didn’t want to try it on in the shop, because some shops are touchy about that. I took it down from the display, admired it, and put it back. I took it down again, took off my sun hat, and compared the two side by side. Finally, my Handsome Assistant just threw his hands up. Just get the hat.
So, I did. It fit like it was made for me. It didn’t quite go with my costume, but it was safely ensconced in a bag and I was already planning all of the outfits I’d wear it with. (Like this really cool jacket I got when we went to New Hope.)
And Then I Wore the Hat
We ducked into Oh, Jessa!, a bright, showy clothing shop. I wasn’t really looking for another costume piece, but I’m a sucker for bright colors and shiny things as much as any toddler or corvid.
(Sometimes, I take pictures of interesting color combinations so I can play around with them while painting.)
That was when I saw the vest. It had a ruffled collar that stood up from the shoulders, and a kind of ruffly peplum/bustle/skirt. It’s decidedly not the androgynous, low-key daily uniform I usually go for, but it was also teal, magenta, purple, and gold and I was drawn to it like a moth to a streetlight.
Then I checked the tag — XS. I’m a fine weight for my size, with a decent amount of muscle, but I don’t know of any reality in which I can make myself occupy an extra small. Still, it looked like it might fit, and it did lace up…
“If you’re about a size 4 or 5, it’ll probably fit,” one of the very nice shopkeepers told me. I had my doubts, and it was more than I wanted to spend on a piece I hadn’t planned for, but just trying it on wouldn’t hurt, right?
Go figure, it was incredibly comfortable. The colors were the perfect jewel tones that suit my complexion (aggressively beige, very neutral, greenish in undertone, with a tendency to tan). It provided the perfect amount of support, even loosely laced in a hurry over a very voluminous chemise.
I stepped out and asked my Handsome Assistant to hand me the hat. It was a perfect match — down to the peacock feathers on the brim and the decidedly peacock-like tail of the ruffled bottom of the vest. This is going to sound very “and then everyone clapped,” but three people exclaimed about how good it all looked together. I took the tag from the vest, handed it to the person at the register, and left wearing it and the world’s best hat.
When we got outside, my Handsome Assistant wanted to take some pictures. I was awkwardly posing (I hate pictures), when a tiny, adorable child ran up to me and looked up, eyes enormous.
“I like your costume!”
“Thank you!”
“Do you want a-” I couldn’t make out the last bit.
“Sure!” I was already sold. I probably would’ve followed this kid into battle.
They handed me something and quickly ran away, back to their parents. I looked down at my hand, and you guys.
It was a tiny orange axolotl. I think my heart melted and ran out of my body.
(For real, kids don’t mess around and have a very well-deserved reputation for having no filter. A sincere compliment from a tiny child is worth more to me than every compliment I’ve ever received from an adult.)
I did also get several other compliments on the hat that day, which was a pretty big boost to my confidence and overall mood. Assuming that sky burials aren’t legal by the time I bite the grass, I am going to be buried in this hat.
Food
It’s not easy to avoid eggs, dairy, or meat at places/events like this, because food is usually done for flavor and convenience and the majority of Americans don’t really have an issue with any of those dietary components. Just in case, I stashed some Feel bars in my belt bag before we left.
(I also keep a 3″ knife, waterproof matches, a multitool, bug spray, a tick spoon, four kinds of lip balm, a can of Emergency Seltzer, a fountain pen, and two kinds of suncreen in my regular, every day backpack. I am nothing if not extremely prepared, always.)
The PA Ren Faire had more food options for me this year, which I liked — I knew there’d probably be a baked potato stall, giant pickles, and possibly a spot for steamed vegetables and rice, but there was also a place for walking tacos, vegetable crudités, and fruit salad.
If you’re not like me, there’re a lot more options. Giant smoked turkey legs, barbecue, sausage, pizza, you name it.
The only caveat is that pretty much all of the food is cash-only (or uses “Coin of the Realm,” tokens you can get near the entrance). Credit card fees can be pretty brutal for businesses that primarily do a large volume of small transactions — picture being charged $1 processing fee on one $100 transaction, versus $1 on each of 20 $5 transactions. To circumvent this, food vendors don’t take credit or debit cards. It can be slightly annoying if you aren’t expecting it but isn’t a big deal if you come prepared. Also, water is expensive, it can get hot, and it’s important to stay hydrated when you’re walking so much, so we brought our own glass water bottles to refill them at fountains/sinks as needed.
Fun
So, the PA Ren Faire has parades, jousting, and a variety of comedy shows, plays, demonstrations, and musicians.
We passed by a troll sitting under a bit of a ruined bridge, singing loudly. There were two boxes in front of him: one labeled “keep playing,” and the other labeled “hush money.” At that point, my Handsome Assistant’s curiosity was piqued and he made up his mind that we were going to watch the troll show.
As it turns out, Hob the Troll was delightful. It’s an all-ages show, so there’s nothing too racy, but all of the songs had a great balance of “stuff kids will get and laugh at” and “stuff only adults will get and laugh at.” My favorites were the song about Fröštïë the Snowman, the Dread Ship Montessori, and a “children’s drinking song” about that juvenile rite of passage: making Potions.
(Side note, when my younger sibling was four or so, he was complaining of a bad stomachache out of nowhere. A couple of hours later, he produced a two-liter soda bottle filled with a mixture of tap water, Pert Plus 2-in-1 shampoo, and the insides of a yellow highlighter and loudly warned, “Nobody drink this.”)
Also! We met a beautiful African pied crow named Goose. Like the pied crow at Pagan Pride Day, Goose accepted donations. What’s more, he’d take the donation from you, hop onto a cash box, and deposit it inside. And let me tell you, this boy was so freaking happy and excited to do his tiny job!
We walked up to the area where he accepted donations, and he was full on hopping all along his perch, onto the cash box, off of the cash box, doing little spins, bobbing his head, all just super stoked to get to do his thing, because doing his thing means treats and praise.
Also there were unicorns.
The PA Ren Faire was a fun, albeit very tiring day. I wish we’d been able to get to more than one Faire this year, but it seems like everywhere sold out pretty quickly. Fortunately, I’m probably going to get plenty of wear out of The Hat long before next year’s Faire season rolls around!
Marble Crow 